Not Happy

Im not happy im not happy...

I really not happy at the moment...

And I hate you you and you...

Wanted to cry but i wont cry...

HATE YOU!!!

NO IDEA!!!

Is there any1 can teach me what to do now??

My relationship is so messy and complicated now..

I need help, I need advices, I need someone teach me what to do..

I also need to know what actually i want..

I really dunnoe what to do now.. HELP ME!!!

Christmas without you

haiz, this year Christmas you are not around..

really not a happy Christmas for me this year...

remember last year Christmas what you've told me??

you told me that you will be with me every year's Christmas.. but this year im alone..

What i can do is just silence silence wishing you here..

And i told Santa, if i really deserver a Christmas wish, i wish he will come back to me as soon as possible.. im missing him so so much..

乱乱乱！！

没有你在我身边。。

我的生活真的乱七八糟。。

我根本不懂我自己在做什么。。

为什么要做我也不懂。。

就只要有东西做就可以了。。

不用管什么东西，有的做就做。。

只要不给自己有机会乱想，什么东西我都做。。

开心或不开心我也不懂。。

这就是我吗？？ 我还是我吗？？

对不起。。

我真的不可以和你讲我现在的情况。。

我不是故意要弄到你不开心。。

只是真的不可以讲。。

对不起，真的对不起。。

有的选我一定不会烦到你，但是我已经没有的选了。。

等timing对时我一定会和你讲发生什么事。。

但是不是现在。。。

对不起。。

累。。

我真的很累了。。

很累去挽救。。 很累去想念你。。 很累去爱你。。

很累去做工。。 很累去改变自己。。 很累很累了。。

很想休息，什么都不要想。。

我做得到吗？？

真的做得到吗？？

心痛。。

突然间，那种感觉又回来了。。

很想念你。。 很想和你在回一起。。

我还是很爱很爱你。。

我真的不想没有你。。

没有你在我的身边我就好像没有了灵魂。。

不会笑，只会哭。。

又不想再被人面前哭，所以就假装坚强。。

过了这个生活营，我发现我根本还没有放下你。。

还偷偷看你，偷偷哭，偷偷想你。。

可是你却不理会我。。

我很伤心，真的很伤心。。

没有了你我真的很伤心。。

求求你不要酱对我可以吗。。

Camp...

I really really regret to go this camp..

1st is knew he really doesnt that care of me anymore..

2nd is reminded me alot of previous thing..

3rd is i start missing him again..

4th is all the feeling is coming back again..

5th is i scare im doing stupid thing again..

6th is i cry again during the camp fire cuz see almost every1 is pairing except me lonely thr, before broken up i was planning to walk beach with him together, but now is become alone thr..

HAIZ!!! WILSON WAKE UP!! HE NOT UR BB ANYMORE!!! HE WONT COME BACK TO YOU ANYMORE!!! DONT THINK TOO MUCH!!!

没有感觉了。。

我开始对你的感觉越来越淡了。。

不想和你在纠缠下去。。

继续的走我要走的路。。

一个人慢慢走。。

反正我已经习惯一个人了。。

我爱你。。

我好想和你说我爱你。。

很想和你在一起。。

我一直都很想念你。。

真的很爱很爱你。。

You Sick..

BB oi, im still really standing beside you d..

you know what, recently im so happy that you find me workout together..

when the moment i knew you sick, im so worry you know..

im wanted to buy you some medicine, but i cant do that..

i cant let you know that you still in my heart..

but im really worry about you, i wish that i can stay beside you and take care of you..

BB oi how are you ler??

Muscles Aching

After straight 4 days gym sessions, Im totally hurt my muscles..

Waist, Hips, Thigh, Calf and Arm all is aching..

Due to this I've to canceled my gym session today and rest at home..

SAD >.<

unHappy

Just now was so unhappy..

and drink alot of beer..

vomit, tired..

Addicted

after attended FF's Line Dance Funk, im truly addicted onto it..

today 1st time attend therefore bit like duck moves.. doesnt know how to dance somemore..

hahaha

but i will add oil, tomoro will go for this class again..

OMG!!!

OMG OMG!!

why the feeling coming back again..

i dont want to think of him, i want to put him down..

why everything seem like coming back to me again..

please god, forgive me and give me a better path to go..

i dont want to struggling again..

PLEASE!!!

Fitness First @ Menara Axis 03/12/2009

Today went to fitness first workout...

and then i see you, but dunnoe why i really doesnt have the rejection feeling toward you anymore..

you attend you rpm class, me attend my body attack..

doesnt hv the hunger to stay beside you..

Anyway, hope you hv a happy future..

暗恋

我很想喜欢上你了。。

每次和你讲电话聊天，我都有种很开心的感觉。。

你不开心时，我也有种莫名奇妙的不开心。。

可是不懂你对我有没有感觉，也不想随随便便的去跟你告白。。

因为我懂你应该还放不下你之前的那个。。

就等吧，等你放下了我才去告诉你 我对你的感觉。。

我想你真的很讨厌我了。。

你真的很想很讨厌我了啊？？

为什么你都不call 我醒来了的？？

为什么你都不remind 我了的？？

为什么你都没有回我MSN 的？？

我真的有很多为什么。。　

可是都不敢去问你　连发个短讯给你我都不敢。。　

就只好一个人静静地痛吧。。　

距离

发现我们现在离对方越来越远了。。

我已经不懂你在想什么，也不敢去问你了。。

我想你也应该不懂我在做什么。

我开不开心你也不懂了也不用去理会了。。

我在你的心里面已经不是你心爱的BB 了。。

可是你还是我最爱的BB 。。

只要你开心，你要我做什么都可以。。

我不会再去打扰你，因为我怕你不开心。。

就让我一个人慢慢的离开罢。。

时间是可以把事情淡化，也可以把我对你的心给消灭。。

Miss you..

I still very d missing you..

wondering what you doing over there..

wondering are you happy recently that i nv contact you at all..

wondering you know im keep on changing or not..

wondering you still angry me or not..

so many wondering..

Warm...

Thank you for bringing me to watch movie 2012, and i really appreciate that you allowed me lying on your arm.. during lying on your arm i felt much much warm and just want to sleep on you arm..

but i dunwan to waste your money so that i choose finish the movie..

I love you, i love your perfume, and i love your big arm...

Watch movie today..

Today im going to watch movie with him.. 2012..

Im so nervous, i dunnoe what he think of me..

Everything is not under my control anymore..

I'm a murderer, I kills my husband and now what can i do is atonement..

I'm so sorry...

没有你。。

没有你在身边的日子都很难过。。

不懂你还会不会回来。。

我都很想和你在一起。。

我爱你。。

Think 100 times

Today I'm a little bit funny..

I do comfort other ppl do not gv up his relationship..

His situation also almost the same problem with me, my friend was another "BIG MAN" and his boyfriend was keep nagging him to accompany more.. but my friend "BIG MAN" wasn't really like it, because he "BIG MAN" felt that his boyfriend occupied all his own times..

My friend which is the "BIG MAN" told me his story, and i keep ask him think 100 times.. don't simply simply make decision and DO NOT FOLLOW MY PATH.

This is proof that I'm not the previous Wilson YK anymore because I doesn't tell him follow his feeling, old Wilson YK alwis follow his own feeling, whatever feeling his feeling he will expressed out without knowing other ppl feeling..

BB Im really changing.. Give me chance.. I will really proof it.. I LOVE YOU..

Crys..

I keep non stop crying, cry every time..

I cry because i hate myself being so stupid that give up you again..

I wish you can come back to me BB.. I really Love you.. I really will change to the person u like..

Just give me 1 last chance please..

很想你。。

我真的很想你。。

很想你，想你吻我，想你抱我，想你握住我的手， 想和你一起吃晚餐， 想陪你睡觉，想和你牵牵手，想和你去公园散散步。

现在只可以想罢了。。

你不知道。。

其实你不知道，每次你发火过后我自己转过身却不断地哭。。

其实你不知道我不会真正的去生气你，因为我是真的喜欢你在乎你。。

其实你不知道我只会对自己喜欢的男生唠唠叨叨，也只会对自己喜欢的人耍性子。。

其实你不知道我有多么的爱你，我爱你多过爱我自己。。

其实你不知道每次你不舒服，我比你跟不舒服。。

其实你不知道我很想你，每一分每一秒我都在想你。。

其实你不知道你对我是多么的重要，我把你都放在我的第一位。。

其实你不知道我们的分手，我是多么的心痛。。

其实你不知道我真的在改变我自己，就是要和你开开心心的在一起。。

其实你不知道我没有后悔和你分手，我要用这个机会来改变我。。

其实你不知道我可以为你做任何一样东西，因为我是真的在乎你。。

其实你不知道，我有多恐惧你不会回来我身边。。

其实你不知道我真的知错了。。

You still here..

Thank you for your comfort.. I didn't regret that broken up with you, its make me want to be a better person..

But i still the words, I alwis love you no matter what happen..

I LOVE YOU....

How are you..

I know you wont see this blog d, because i rarely show this to any1 else..

But i wish that you can see my blog.. at least you know what my feeling about..

just wanna know how are you lately are you happy?? or you still sad?? or you dont want to see me?? and really wanna know how your sick??

i cant hide myself that i really really miss you..

i will wait and wait.. because you're my everything, i realized that I really cant live without you.. without you my life is terrible..

BB Im so so sorry, i will use time to improve myself.. I love you and I miss you...

倒霉。。

我真的很倒霉。。 心情几经不好了。。还给我将多不如意的事情。。

我的衣柜吊衣服的棍断了。。 衣服全部跌完出来。。 现在才后悔为什么买将多衣服。。

晕。。

男人

现在的我每天都会来这里写写东西。。 把这里当成是我想讲的话和我的感觉全部写下来 至少我会好过一些。。

过了前两天的company dinner， 我听到很多很多的故事和学到很多东西，学到为什么男人将紧张他们的事业，原来他们将努力地去赚钱是应为他们想给他心爱的人过得好一点，他们也想过些好过的日子和不想一直依靠别人，他们想靠他们自己的手创造他们自己的公事。。

作为他们背后的人一定要给他支持，比如说每天他回到家帮他减轻以下压力，煮些东西给他吃，他累了就叫他洗个澡然后帮他盖被睡觉，然后自己就帮他做些他没留意到的小小事情，比如烫衣服，洗衣，收拾明天他要用到的东西。 给他一个温柔和没有压力的感觉。。

如果他晚上还要做工的时候就不要打扰他，如果他还没有吃就帮他准备一些小吃。。不要一直问他几时睡，应为他自己也不懂要做到几点，也不要特地等他不然的话他会一直在想到有人在等他就做不到工。。

可是我自前就没有做到这些东西，每次都发他脾气，他没有空陪我我就生气他 就没有真真的给他支持也没有为他做任何一样东西。。

我真的知道错了，可是事实就是事实 现在的他已经放弃了我。。 我也不懂之后要如何支持他。。

如果你可以给我一次机会我一定会支持你，做个你背后支持你的小男人。。

Smile..

Hard to make myself smile ler...

Im down, and desperate.. cant even have a good sleep..

I really like a zombie.. hope some1 can shot me until die just like L4D2..

想死。。

我很想死。。

我真的不想再想了。。 很痛 很伤心。。

我不懂我可以顶到几时。。

反正都要痛，好不如一次给他痛到够够力。。

然后什么东西都不用想。。

如果我真的顶不住了，这里是我要和我Daddy Mummy 要讲的话。。

我真的要和我的Daddy Mummy讲 对不起， 你们把我带到来这个世界 可是我就将的放弃了。。

每次都弄到你们不开心真的很对不起， 也很对不起来不及报答你们。。但是我很谢谢你们 将久以来的照顾， 你们没有抱怨你们有个喜欢同性的儿子， 你们也很辛苦的把我养大和供我读书 我真的很谢谢你们。。 I love both of my parent, but your son no longer able to return anything to both of you... Im so Sorry..

受伤了。。

我的脚受伤了。。 刚才去买药给他的时候不小心滑倒脚跌进long kang 搽伤了..

流了一点血 黑青了一点，有点痛哦 现在过将久了还痛下痛下, 就算我将痛都没有他的心将痛。。

Headache...

I was insomnia for few nights.. and only slept for less than 20hours since Monday until Today...

I really blur wanted to sleep but whenever i close my eye my brain is appearing everything about him.. Im feel like im a zombie now instead of a human..

Sorry...

Sorry that im failed..

I still miss you, i still love you, i still thinking of you..

And cry again...

I'm sorry..

Bali...

Today actually is my most happiest day after we broken up...

But its also the day to pull down my HOPE....

Last night we play facebook game together (Swt)...

You wake me up this morning like everyday b4 broke up (Wonderful)..

And you tell me that Air Asia have cheap ticket to Bali (Thought of that you wanna bring me along)..

If you could say "Can you go with me??" I definitely answer "I DO..." but you're not saying that to me...

I love to go with you if you want to bring me along.. If its not then I wont go..

Escape...

Have been thought for few days already..

Either I continue study (Tourism course) at KL but make my parent sad and they wont support me due to changing field (but at least that i can still contact HIM)..

OR

I apply passport and go Singapore look for a job, haven't tell my parent yet but they will not be that angry as i change field (I'm not gonna to see or contact HIM anymore after I left)..

So I'm confusing 1st choice was my dream (to become a tour guide) but I need supportive..

Second choice are hashes but at least will make me forget HIM..

BLURS.....

Broke up again..

Haha, sound like so so funny like that..

Broken up again, same person same reason..

Same feeling, same unhappy, same sad..

but live still move on.. I've no time to think..

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday, suppose to be happy but dunnoe why im so down..

Maybe due to my breaking relationship gua.. We start argue since my Bday celebration..

I cant concentrate to do my work.. And not feeling well.. and tiring... just wish i can have a long long sleep...

Asus VK266H Monitor

Is belongs to me few hours later.. hehehe

Wii --- PS3 (Still saving money) --- PC --- ALL IN 1 MONITOR.

25.5" LCD
With FULL HD 1080p
16:10 Wide Screen
Build in speaker and 2.0 CAM
Component & HDMI

Cool Neh..

Ugly Dance

Today my company hv a small gathering game, and i get punished with "DANCE"...
Im dont dance, then my movement is like s*** and its so so ugly..

Every1 is laughing at me... so shame...

Wish List

My Birthday Wish List

Mine wish list not that much ya hehehe..... See below:

Wii Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party 2
Wii Fit
2 Wii motion Plus
18-in-1 Wii Sports accessory kit (I might going to buy this soonest)
2 more set of Wii Mote and NunChuk
SE Satio (but not out yet)
Play Station 3
Linksys Modem Router WAP54G
500GB External HD
Nvidia GTX275
Windows 7 Ultimate


Updating ... ... ...

YK's Nintendo Wii

Yeah finally I've save enough money for Nintendo Wii, and I really brought it back to myself.. 1st time play Wii is like super hard cuz still not so comfortable with the sensor thing, but after while im totally used to it and now im a little pro of Wii Sport..

Due to played for a whole day with Wii Games, then the next day I was encountered that both my hand muscle is so painful...

This is a good exercise game, compare to any other console Wii is much more different it not just a gaming console it is also an exercise device... I believe that my “mouse” will coming out shortly...

And now im targeting Nintendo Wii Fit and Nintendo Dance Dance Revolution Hottest Party 2, Im not regretting that I’ve paid so much for Nintendo Wii because it’s really worth it...

Wearied

IM REALLY

WEARIED

&

TIRED

THAT IT xD

Desolated weekend...

(T.T) --> My emotion for this weekend...

Lonely-- Everyone is going out for a camp gathering for this weekend..

Boring-- There nothing i can do or play alone..

Hunger-- That i wanted to join the camp with them immediately..

Desire-- Wishing someone that can bring me to the camp..

Regret-- That i refused to register myself for the camp..

DESPERATE-- I REALLY CANT DO ANYTHING NOW AND DEJECTED

HOPELESS - FORLORN - MISERABLE - WRETCHED - PATHETIC - DREARY

(T.T) -- During writing this article...

Missing You

It Already almost a day we not contacting each other...
No doubt im freaking missing you, but since if i call you gonna sacrifice your time to me...
Therefore i tell myself, you busying, you working, and you tired and these reason can stop myself to think of you..

I not cry and no hard feeling.. totally changing to another person... this person definitely not gonna trouble you..

Over Tiiired...

Im too too tired ler today..

• Thinking a way to settle my own complicated relationship..
• Meantime dealing with my customers and my suppliers regarding for my support work...
• Some more need to report every single support to my supervisor, due to this is high priority and emergency support and he was doing nothing ...
• Discuss with my manager regarding the new office structure...
• And searching for branded cat5e cable for new office cabling work...

All these thing happening and i work in the same time..
7pm only i left office, Im really sick and my brain going burst soonest..

IM DONE EVERYTHING AND IM GOING TO REST NOW......

Complicated..

Is too complicated on me now..

I don't know what to do, and don't know what should be done..

Everything i done it seem is not correct and very wrong..

I don't know how to continue further more..

I'm really too tired.. and also hopeless..

Tried everything but it not works..

I'm lost.. I'm sacrificed.. I'm gave up.. and i screw up everything...

This made me so EMPTY and LOST..

Finally today got rain in the afternoon...

Currently the weather is really heat average temperature was 35 Celsius every afternoon. And THANK GOD finally today rained and the rain successful reduced the heat..

During this high temperature season, my own temper increasing as well. Don't know why myself also getting temper easily and impulse and these caused my mentally changed and not able to figure thing properly..

I heard of these season will last until September...

My experiences @ Lang Tengah Island

Waw, the trip is awesome... Beautiful Island, had a white sandy beach, very super clear sea, amazing corals, feed plenty kinds of fishes including Nemo, exciting speed boat traveling around the island and also to Redang island marine park, a group of nice friends plays together, another good thing was finally he forgiven me and we get back together... hahaha
This trip definitely unforgettable.... awesome, happy and relaxed trip...

Tired after vacation

I'm back home sweet home felt so super tired, enjoyed and happy now, muscle painful also.. The most annoying thing is tomoro need work, now already going to midnight i doesn't have much time to manage blog ler got to sleep... and I'll do it tomoro... HAPPY

Lang Tengah

Im going to lang tengah tonight with him and also some friends.
So many thing need to be prepare, but i seem like lost this lost that dont know what to bring..
hahaha too exciting...

Start over

Start all over again, he told me to start our relationship all over again, this relationship he'll not that patient me as previously he done, now is my turn to return everything he want from the pass year's relationship.. I really hope that we can continue our life together happily another few 10 years hahaha....

Bad and Guilty

Waw now i only realized that i treated him like that, all i done was just think about myself, i want him to sacrifices his work or family to company me. Why i want this is because i felt that he not so care about me than only i force him to throw all his stuff and company me.. But this is over im not gonna to be like that since he told me he dont like that.. AND THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME THIS...

Now Im sick

Finally i was sick, hahaha no 1 will pity me about it because im made myself sick.
Miss some 1 is hard, love some 1 is tough, patient some 1 is more even worst... but i keep on patient and patient.. because of miss, love and patient and caused im SICK but i will still patient love and miss..

Hurt man

Damn hurt, i was just listening what he wanna say from his side all his word are tough really tough..
every single word from him is like hammer beating my head and is really painful..

What can i do..

He seem like so busy nowadays, I wanted to help but he dont really need my help or can say this way i cant do anything to help him.. i just hope that i can help him finish his work then we can hv our own time maybe or he no need that tired so much..

Is him like me??

Im just wondering is he still like me, i dont know that i want to trust my six sense or not he seem like not that like me anymore, why i say so is because the feeling is changed by the way he treating me, felt like im not that so protected anymore and somemore i dont know how to explain here...
Just seem that feeling he to me is changed....

Date Again??

Dont know tonight movie with him is zit counted as our date ornot leh??
He asked me for movie... Im so superb Happy... I prepare him for my self made Brownie But dunnoe nice or not since this is my second time make Brownie.. hahaha

He sick

He sick ler I wish that i can stay beside him for comfort him, take care him, buy him food, culculate time for medicine and slp beside him but i not able to do that... what can i do is just dont call him or sms him during his resting time, just wait for he contact me oni.. god sent my regard to him and cure him...

Greedy

Last night discussed some of his feeling, now im slightly know where i was wrong. Im too greedy on requesting.. he already gave me many thing but im still not enough keep on request.
I give a newer example... I had request to stop the relationship, then i request to start over the relationship, after then request again he treat me back as previously and i still not enough still keep requesting......... now i know what happened and i will stop all the requesting and just let him do whatever he want...

Yesterday

Yesterday was a stressful day to me and meantime keep thinking of my relationship so it made me no time to manage my blog...

Yesterday was a dangerous day also, because i got a moment want to give up the relationship, because of I'm really too stressful and tired therefore i thinking of give up, but i didnt do that cuz i know once i give up again and it is permanent effect already...

Think Twice Before Making Decision <-- this is wat i learned from this relationship..

Our Relation

We still not back together yet, but as least i know i got chance and I will use for this chance properly..
Compromising as below:

• I wont angry whether he not enough time for me cuz i know his career is important to him and even to me also.
• He can go do anything or go anywhere he like, as long as he dont lie on me everything gonna be fine, also hope he'll bring me along la cuz oh scare outside ppl flirt him (who ask him kind of nice guy wo)...
• Our expenses, this important have to really compromised since im also working ppl now, i wont want u to bear all, let share it or i bear it..

I can compromised all that i mentioned above, i just 1 hope that is treat me as u treat me b4, dont change to another person..

Busy Busy

Waw today damn busy, new stuff + alot support today.. damn tired...
before today has gone i got to written down all happy moment that i had it yesterday night...
First of all me super happy is because i really saw him and having dinner together with my family including my parent my brother sister and also my grandmum. happy also my grandmum didnt reject sitting together with him..
after dinner we all back to our own room, he hug me slp leh.. so warm and so touched.. seem like everything revert back again but it not he still not accept me yet, but i felt that already enough ler cuz i didnt except he stay and hug me.. some more i tot he will go off at 10pm as i promised him, but he extended another 2 more hours... more touched..

Celebrate my daddy bday

Food i prepared for my daddy and HIM
Spaghetti bit over cooked for the bolognese sauce
Fry Fish Fillet not easy painful cuz of the oil
Cocktail every1 say nice (wahaha and almost finish my Gin)

Other dishes/foods
Cake (made by my mum)
Grill Chicken Wings (made by my mum also)
French Fries (mummy also)
Roasted Duck (He bought super nice and i ate alot)

Prepare for him

Today my man come over for dinner, so exciting have to prepare myself before he come... i have to prepare very well to c him, and i also got a gift for him maybe you guys will think of some kind of late, but is not last few week ago i got my company training at amcorp mall i saw this gift and already planned to buy him this gift if i pass my training and use the allowance to buy this to him, now i passes and i just got my allowance..

Preparing now so i think im not gonna update for today ler, cuz i got many thing to prepare cook la buy ingredients la make up la calculate my dress la aiya many many thing la.... bye bye c ya...

Work

zzz... Boring weekend also need to work, this weekend dont know what happened to Celcom Malaysia suddenly international roaming gateway system got problem made me need to support customer at home, damn boring lo half of my day wasted if not i can go ACGC play...

I got a full plan for my future...

1) Continue waiting for him
2) Change my bad attitude
3) Save Money
4) Grow Up be Mature Minded
5) Concern other ppl feeling toward me
6) Dont simply angry ppl
7) Kindly Apologize for my mistake
8) Work harder to earn more money and Think Twice before purchase any goods
9) Dont blame this blame that
10) There is No free lunch
11) Treat myself and ppl around me better
12) Remember No Pain No Gain
13) Mistake Acceptance
14) Fulfill all mentioned above.......

Happy lolz

He going to have dinner with my family this weekend because of my daddy birthday so we celebrate this at home.... Not for me...
but im ok de as long as i still can c him... i wont do anything to him....

Is time Healer?

Iszit time can cure my sadness?
How long It take?
Can it heal me immediately?
Without scar?
Temporary or Permanent?
Anyway i hope it really can cure me.........

Hurt

Hurt... today chat with him via msn suddently he asked me why i want to wait for him, he not "him" anymore what i done is useless (hurted)... what i doing non of his business (hurted again).... but i wont give up b4 that im treated him like that now it just reverted back to me i didn't blame anyone.....

Uncontrollable

I told him i will not cry, but when come alone my tear is so uncontrollable. I cant let him know otherwise he will feel that i cant do exactly what i has told him.. I trying to get myself busy at work but i still cant forget him, I'm so useless T.T again

He doesn't belongs to me anymore

Mummy please dont ask me where him le la.... I cant tell u where exactly he went to, im just can wait silently..... sorry to him also i really dont know how to tell my parent so i choose not to tell them... I dont want to ruin the acceptance between u and my parent, as u know u not easy to gain this acceptance hope u understand........

Chance

God i hope u give me another chance to turn time back before 16/03/2009........... there no such a miracle......... this is reality man.......... accept it............ please.................

你的选择/易欣

周杰倫 - 說好的幸福呢

To be with You

Apologize

Tonight i raise my mind, forget about shame or angry, im apologized to every1 that previously dont like or angry... because of my childish i angry them with nothing but im truly wanna say SORRY from my heart hope u guys that received my apologize can able to forgive my childish....
Maybe i miss out some1 but from here i will want to apologize to ALL ppl that who felt im angry him or dun like him/her.....

>>>>>IM SO SORRY BECAUSE OF MY CHILDISH ATTITUDE<<<<<

Save ME

Today was a big day to me, I'm decided to change my personality because i found that my current personality is fearing one of my important man, I'm losing him right now and this not the path i wanted, I'm trying all the way to rescue and cure him but since he has fearing of my current personality and he doesn't believe I'm can able to change my personality I'll try anyway to tell him i can changed. He asked me why should i being so suffer to change myself the answer was “I Still Loving him” that all 4 simple words including everything. Maybe someone will thought that I'm not able to change it or it take a long time to change but i tell u all because of this 4 words I can changed anything immediately (not bullshit).


Decision is not belongs to me now, i had rejected all decisions that given by him so I'm not gonna give any decision making to him, I will follow all his decision and listen to everyone that appreciate to give me suggestion or also help (I really need help but please do not ask me to give up this relationship). He also said something with this “Can I just continue my happily and nature life without him” my answer was I cant, i can walk alone but i cant walk alone with happiness this is true. Only him can give my happiness I'm not meaning that all my friends cant give my happiness, is just that happiness cant make me really smile from my heart or i can say just temporary happiness. The only think i can smile through my heart was imagine the happy moment that we had like we cook together, sleep together (doesn't mean sex), watch movie together, going out together and many more together.


Within this short while what i had changed is i not use all my inpatient attitude to everyone anymore, childish naive also had been gone, i go into other people feeling for understanding and i knew this still not enough for me to change I has to keep improving from here, anyone got suggestion with here? One more thing, to prove i really changed I had understand why we keep on argue for the past few months, all because of I not patient enough and had non-intelligent thought (Childish naive i mean). So this all gonna be overcome it by myself.


Since our relationship is broken up, i would like to say a thousand of sorry to him that I'm fearing him and he already stepped out this suffer moment and able to stand alone and he don't want to go back, It doesn't mean i can but i will still change myself and wait for him until my last breath (seem like so serious oh).

Other than sorry i also need to say thank you to him for everything he gave me especially all my happiness moment and the 2 ShinChan, before our relationship getting like this, I doesn't really care of them just, but right now this is the only thing he left to me and it really important to me now, some of the people will say I'm so “Dai Sei” spoiled everything by myself. Yes it did previously i doesn't really care but right now is all the pain is came to me I'm deserve this suffering but i wont give up.


I'm the one who ended this 13 months relationship because of my bad temper and my bad personality, so i has accepted and deserve this fact. And this is a statement that he told me previously now I'm gonna using it “You don't like me is your problem but u cant force me to love you”.