Now Im sick

Finally i was sick, hahaha no 1 will pity me about it because im made myself sick.
Miss some 1 is hard, love some 1 is tough, patient some 1 is more even worst... but i keep on patient and patient.. because of miss, love and patient and caused im SICK but i will still patient love and miss..

Hurt man

Damn hurt, i was just listening what he wanna say from his side all his word are tough really tough..
every single word from him is like hammer beating my head and is really painful..

What can i do..

He seem like so busy nowadays, I wanted to help but he dont really need my help or can say this way i cant do anything to help him.. i just hope that i can help him finish his work then we can hv our own time maybe or he no need that tired so much..

Is him like me??

Im just wondering is he still like me, i dont know that i want to trust my six sense or not he seem like not that like me anymore, why i say so is because the feeling is changed by the way he treating me, felt like im not that so protected anymore and somemore i dont know how to explain here...
Just seem that feeling he to me is changed....

Date Again??

Dont know tonight movie with him is zit counted as our date ornot leh??
He asked me for movie... Im so superb Happy... I prepare him for my self made Brownie But dunnoe nice or not since this is my second time make Brownie.. hahaha

He sick

He sick ler I wish that i can stay beside him for comfort him, take care him, buy him food, culculate time for medicine and slp beside him but i not able to do that... what can i do is just dont call him or sms him during his resting time, just wait for he contact me oni.. god sent my regard to him and cure him...

Greedy

Last night discussed some of his feeling, now im slightly know where i was wrong. Im too greedy on requesting.. he already gave me many thing but im still not enough keep on request.
I give a newer example... I had request to stop the relationship, then i request to start over the relationship, after then request again he treat me back as previously and i still not enough still keep requesting......... now i know what happened and i will stop all the requesting and just let him do whatever he want...

Yesterday

Yesterday was a stressful day to me and meantime keep thinking of my relationship so it made me no time to manage my blog...

Yesterday was a dangerous day also, because i got a moment want to give up the relationship, because of I'm really too stressful and tired therefore i thinking of give up, but i didnt do that cuz i know once i give up again and it is permanent effect already...

Think Twice Before Making Decision <-- this is wat i learned from this relationship..

Our Relation

We still not back together yet, but as least i know i got chance and I will use for this chance properly..
Compromising as below:

• I wont angry whether he not enough time for me cuz i know his career is important to him and even to me also.
• He can go do anything or go anywhere he like, as long as he dont lie on me everything gonna be fine, also hope he'll bring me along la cuz oh scare outside ppl flirt him (who ask him kind of nice guy wo)...
• Our expenses, this important have to really compromised since im also working ppl now, i wont want u to bear all, let share it or i bear it..

I can compromised all that i mentioned above, i just 1 hope that is treat me as u treat me b4, dont change to another person..

Busy Busy

Waw today damn busy, new stuff + alot support today.. damn tired...
before today has gone i got to written down all happy moment that i had it yesterday night...
First of all me super happy is because i really saw him and having dinner together with my family including my parent my brother sister and also my grandmum. happy also my grandmum didnt reject sitting together with him..
after dinner we all back to our own room, he hug me slp leh.. so warm and so touched.. seem like everything revert back again but it not he still not accept me yet, but i felt that already enough ler cuz i didnt except he stay and hug me.. some more i tot he will go off at 10pm as i promised him, but he extended another 2 more hours... more touched..

Celebrate my daddy bday

Food i prepared for my daddy and HIM
Spaghetti bit over cooked for the bolognese sauce
Fry Fish Fillet not easy painful cuz of the oil
Cocktail every1 say nice (wahaha and almost finish my Gin)

Other dishes/foods
Cake (made by my mum)
Grill Chicken Wings (made by my mum also)
French Fries (mummy also)
Roasted Duck (He bought super nice and i ate alot)

Prepare for him

Today my man come over for dinner, so exciting have to prepare myself before he come... i have to prepare very well to c him, and i also got a gift for him maybe you guys will think of some kind of late, but is not last few week ago i got my company training at amcorp mall i saw this gift and already planned to buy him this gift if i pass my training and use the allowance to buy this to him, now i passes and i just got my allowance..

Preparing now so i think im not gonna update for today ler, cuz i got many thing to prepare cook la buy ingredients la make up la calculate my dress la aiya many many thing la.... bye bye c ya...

Work

zzz... Boring weekend also need to work, this weekend dont know what happened to Celcom Malaysia suddenly international roaming gateway system got problem made me need to support customer at home, damn boring lo half of my day wasted if not i can go ACGC play...

I got a full plan for my future...

1) Continue waiting for him
2) Change my bad attitude
3) Save Money
4) Grow Up be Mature Minded
5) Concern other ppl feeling toward me
6) Dont simply angry ppl
7) Kindly Apologize for my mistake
8) Work harder to earn more money and Think Twice before purchase any goods
9) Dont blame this blame that
10) There is No free lunch
11) Treat myself and ppl around me better
12) Remember No Pain No Gain
13) Mistake Acceptance
14) Fulfill all mentioned above.......

Happy lolz

He going to have dinner with my family this weekend because of my daddy birthday so we celebrate this at home.... Not for me...
but im ok de as long as i still can c him... i wont do anything to him....

Is time Healer?

Iszit time can cure my sadness?
How long It take?
Can it heal me immediately?
Without scar?
Temporary or Permanent?
Anyway i hope it really can cure me.........

Hurt

Hurt... today chat with him via msn suddently he asked me why i want to wait for him, he not "him" anymore what i done is useless (hurted)... what i doing non of his business (hurted again).... but i wont give up b4 that im treated him like that now it just reverted back to me i didn't blame anyone.....

Uncontrollable

I told him i will not cry, but when come alone my tear is so uncontrollable. I cant let him know otherwise he will feel that i cant do exactly what i has told him.. I trying to get myself busy at work but i still cant forget him, I'm so useless T.T again

He doesn't belongs to me anymore

Mummy please dont ask me where him le la.... I cant tell u where exactly he went to, im just can wait silently..... sorry to him also i really dont know how to tell my parent so i choose not to tell them... I dont want to ruin the acceptance between u and my parent, as u know u not easy to gain this acceptance hope u understand........

Chance

God i hope u give me another chance to turn time back before 16/03/2009........... there no such a miracle......... this is reality man.......... accept it............ please.................

你的选择/易欣

周杰倫 - 說好的幸福呢

To be with You

Apologize

Tonight i raise my mind, forget about shame or angry, im apologized to every1 that previously dont like or angry... because of my childish i angry them with nothing but im truly wanna say SORRY from my heart hope u guys that received my apologize can able to forgive my childish....
Maybe i miss out some1 but from here i will want to apologize to ALL ppl that who felt im angry him or dun like him/her.....

>>>>>IM SO SORRY BECAUSE OF MY CHILDISH ATTITUDE<<<<<

Save ME

Today was a big day to me, I'm decided to change my personality because i found that my current personality is fearing one of my important man, I'm losing him right now and this not the path i wanted, I'm trying all the way to rescue and cure him but since he has fearing of my current personality and he doesn't believe I'm can able to change my personality I'll try anyway to tell him i can changed. He asked me why should i being so suffer to change myself the answer was “I Still Loving him” that all 4 simple words including everything. Maybe someone will thought that I'm not able to change it or it take a long time to change but i tell u all because of this 4 words I can changed anything immediately (not bullshit).


Decision is not belongs to me now, i had rejected all decisions that given by him so I'm not gonna give any decision making to him, I will follow all his decision and listen to everyone that appreciate to give me suggestion or also help (I really need help but please do not ask me to give up this relationship). He also said something with this “Can I just continue my happily and nature life without him” my answer was I cant, i can walk alone but i cant walk alone with happiness this is true. Only him can give my happiness I'm not meaning that all my friends cant give my happiness, is just that happiness cant make me really smile from my heart or i can say just temporary happiness. The only think i can smile through my heart was imagine the happy moment that we had like we cook together, sleep together (doesn't mean sex), watch movie together, going out together and many more together.


Within this short while what i had changed is i not use all my inpatient attitude to everyone anymore, childish naive also had been gone, i go into other people feeling for understanding and i knew this still not enough for me to change I has to keep improving from here, anyone got suggestion with here? One more thing, to prove i really changed I had understand why we keep on argue for the past few months, all because of I not patient enough and had non-intelligent thought (Childish naive i mean). So this all gonna be overcome it by myself.


Since our relationship is broken up, i would like to say a thousand of sorry to him that I'm fearing him and he already stepped out this suffer moment and able to stand alone and he don't want to go back, It doesn't mean i can but i will still change myself and wait for him until my last breath (seem like so serious oh).

Other than sorry i also need to say thank you to him for everything he gave me especially all my happiness moment and the 2 ShinChan, before our relationship getting like this, I doesn't really care of them just, but right now this is the only thing he left to me and it really important to me now, some of the people will say I'm so “Dai Sei” spoiled everything by myself. Yes it did previously i doesn't really care but right now is all the pain is came to me I'm deserve this suffering but i wont give up.


I'm the one who ended this 13 months relationship because of my bad temper and my bad personality, so i has accepted and deserve this fact. And this is a statement that he told me previously now I'm gonna using it “You don't like me is your problem but u cant force me to love you”.