Save ME

Today was a big day to me, I'm decided to change my personality because i found that my current personality is fearing one of my important man, I'm losing him right now and this not the path i wanted, I'm trying all the way to rescue and cure him but since he has fearing of my current personality and he doesn't believe I'm can able to change my personality I'll try anyway to tell him i can changed. He asked me why should i being so suffer to change myself the answer was “I Still Loving him” that all 4 simple words including everything. Maybe someone will thought that I'm not able to change it or it take a long time to change but i tell u all because of this 4 words I can changed anything immediately (not bullshit).


Decision is not belongs to me now, i had rejected all decisions that given by him so I'm not gonna give any decision making to him, I will follow all his decision and listen to everyone that appreciate to give me suggestion or also help (I really need help but please do not ask me to give up this relationship). He also said something with this “Can I just continue my happily and nature life without him” my answer was I cant, i can walk alone but i cant walk alone with happiness this is true. Only him can give my happiness I'm not meaning that all my friends cant give my happiness, is just that happiness cant make me really smile from my heart or i can say just temporary happiness. The only think i can smile through my heart was imagine the happy moment that we had like we cook together, sleep together (doesn't mean sex), watch movie together, going out together and many more together.


Within this short while what i had changed is i not use all my inpatient attitude to everyone anymore, childish naive also had been gone, i go into other people feeling for understanding and i knew this still not enough for me to change I has to keep improving from here, anyone got suggestion with here? One more thing, to prove i really changed I had understand why we keep on argue for the past few months, all because of I not patient enough and had non-intelligent thought (Childish naive i mean). So this all gonna be overcome it by myself.


Since our relationship is broken up, i would like to say a thousand of sorry to him that I'm fearing him and he already stepped out this suffer moment and able to stand alone and he don't want to go back, It doesn't mean i can but i will still change myself and wait for him until my last breath (seem like so serious oh).

Other than sorry i also need to say thank you to him for everything he gave me especially all my happiness moment and the 2 ShinChan, before our relationship getting like this, I doesn't really care of them just, but right now this is the only thing he left to me and it really important to me now, some of the people will say I'm so “Dai Sei” spoiled everything by myself. Yes it did previously i doesn't really care but right now is all the pain is came to me I'm deserve this suffering but i wont give up.


I'm the one who ended this 13 months relationship because of my bad temper and my bad personality, so i has accepted and deserve this fact. And this is a statement that he told me previously now I'm gonna using it “You don't like me is your problem but u cant force me to love you”.